Math Just Isn't My Thing

"Cori, did you finish your algebra II homework?" Eric asks me as he sits down next to me in the dining hall. Me? Finish my algebra II? He'll be lucky if I even attempted to open the textbook. 

"Eric, why do you alway ask questions that you already know the answer to?" I ask him as I continue to drink my smoothie. Baby, have you studied for that test? You're going shopping, again? Cori, are you ever going to stop and think before you do something? See, so many questions. 

"I don't know. I guess I just figure that you'll surprise me one. You know, since your always so full of surprises" Eric says giving me a wink and a grin while stealing some of my French fries. Oh he's hilarious. NOT!

"very funny, Mr. Comedian. Seriously Eric, you know very well how much I suck at math. It's too hard and I never understand it. I don't even bother with the homework" I complain to him. 

"angel, you can't just go to class and expect to know the material instantly. That's why the professor gives you problems to do so that you can practice. Maybe  if you tried for once in this class, you might actually understand it a little better" He tells me. 

"whats the point of even trying if I know that I'm not going to get it?" I ask with a huff. Really, it'll be hopeless. Every time I try do my math work, I get frustrated and annoyed at the book, then I curse my dumb teacher for assigning it, and after that I give up and do some online shopping. What? Buying stuff always makes me feel better. 

"you know I can always help you and they have tutoring sessions in the library that you can use at anytime" Eric suggests. (sigh). That just makes me look even dumber in front of someone. Know one understands that I suck at math. I'm probably the suckiest math person ever. Wait a minute... Is suckiest even a word? Hmmm, oh well. It is now. Heehee. 

"I know. I have other classes too. I can't just focus all on algebra II" I say eating another French fry. At least they are classes that I can keep my eyes open in; unlike some class that shall remain nameless at the moment. 

"true, but you probably should give algebra a little more of your attention this week. You have a test next week, remember?" Eric informs me. I groan. No, I didn't remember. Great. I totally bombed my last test and I have a feeling that I might explode this next test into smithereens as well. Ugh!!!

"just study a little everyday and you be'll be ready for it. I gotta get to my next class. I'll see you later baby" he says before kissing my cheek and stealing more of my fries. Meanie. I don't know how I'm going to pass this next dumb test. I haven't been understanding what is going on in class at all. That is if I even go to class; ive been skipping lately. Before you give me a look, it's an early morning class on Monday. Talk a about a sumo double whammy. (miserable sigh) I guess I could get help with algebra II or..... I could find Lily and go get a pedicure. Hmmm. Decisions, decisions. Who am I kidding? Algebra II can wait. My cute toes need some TLC asap. 

A Couple Days later:

"be prepared for your Test on Monday. Hopefully you have all been using your time wisely and reviewing the class material daily. I know that algebra II doesn't seem that important but I will reminder that it is. Freshman have to pass all of their classes in order to advance to the next grade. So I wouldn't blow this class off if I were you because it will comeback and bite you in the butt in the end. Everyone understand? Good. Class dismissed" Mr. Kane tells us as he starts to erase the board. At once, everyone gets up from their seats and makes their way to the door fast. It's like a zebra stampede or something. No one likes Mr. Kane. He is so boring and strict that a ton of people fall asleep or don't bother showing up to class at all. No lie, the guy next to me feel asleep and started to snore. I had to flick him awake with my sparkly purple nails. Anyway, once I reach freedom outside the classroom I make my way out of the building. I don't have another class until the afternoon so I'm going to go wake up Eric and force him to cuddle with me. What? I need to have my daily dose of cuddle or else I get cranky. Grrrr. 

"hey, Cori" Lily says as she walks up to me as I was about to head outside. 

"what's up girl? Wait, aren't you supposed to be in an English class right now?" I ask her confused. She sighs. Uh oh...

"I was but I got kicked out for the rest of class" Lily tells me. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up. Did I just hear her correctly?

"WHAT?!?" I say shocked. 

"you heard me. I got kicked out because I kept trying to prove a point to her and she got mad. At least I wasn't the only who got sent out but it's still bad. Felipe is going to be sooo mad at me" She says. Yikes! Felipe is not going to be happy. Yup, her butt is probably pissed at her right now. Mine would be. Hmmmm, unless Felipe doesn't find out.

"just tell Felipe that the teacher let you out early. How well he know that you got kicked out" I advice. Hell yes! This plan should be in my hall of fame of plans or something. 

"I don't know if that's going to work, Cori" Lily says with suspicion. Gasp! I'm offended. She's doubting my awesome plan. Give me some credit. Not all of my plans fail....well, okay so most of them do but how does she know that this one won't? 

"come on, it's worth a shot. It's not like you want to just go ahead and say 'hey babe, guess what happened to me? The teacher kicked me out of class'" I tell her. She grimaces slightly seeing my point. 

"fine, I'll use your suggestion" she says sighing. Yay! Happy dance time. 

"come on, walk with me" I say pulling her arm. We walk out of the building and toward the dorms. 

"so how did your algebra class go?" Lily asks me. Ugh! She just had to mention that. 

"the same as usual. Nothing worth mentioning. I don't know what I'm going to do on the test on Monday" I tell her. 

"just go to the library and get help from a tutor. It's not that hard. Plus you don't want to end up on academic probation. I hear it sucks" she tells me. Gulp. Academic probation? Shit!

"don't worry, Lily. All I have to do is pass the test. I can at least get a d or a c easily" I tell her. Or at least I think I can....

Day of the test:

OMG!!! What is this madness? It's like I'm taking a foreign language or something. I don't know what I don't even know. Ugh! 

"Forty five more minutes left. You should be at least half way done with your exam" Mr. Kane informs the class. WHAT! Half way done? I'm not even finished the first question. I'm sooooo screwed!! Eric is going to kill my butt when he finds out this. That is if he finds out.... Oh who am I kidding? Eric always find out. He is like a freaking Sherlock Holmes or something. 

"Thirty more minutes left to complete the test" Mr. Kane says aloud. Oh great. There is no way I'm going to finish this. Sigh. I put my head down hoping that a math inspiration will just pop into my head or something. I'm completely desperate at this point. Or my butt is at least. 

"Times up. Bring your exams to the front please" Mr. Kane demands at his desk. Gulp. I collect my bag and my test and walk toward his desk. Suddenly I get like a special feeling or something and my brain just clicked. I  march right up to Mr. Kane and throw his dumb test that gives my poor brain headaches at him. 

"Here is your psychotic test. Well I hope your happy, Mr. Kane. I just want to let you know that this is the only class that makes me want to sell one of my pairs of shoes than take your test. See! Totally serious stuff. Plus I think I got a paper cut from flipping through all those pages. What was that anyway? A hundred page test? You suck Mr. Kane" I tell him quite aggressively if I do say so myself. I even scared myself a little. Heehee. Mr. Kane looked shocked by my words. His mouth was practically on the floor. Some of my peers overheard what I said and stayed to watch. They even agree with me because a over sized Johnny Bravo look alike started chanting,

"Mr. Kane sucks! Mr. Kane sucks!" Eventually everybody started chanting along with him. I have Mr. Kane a smirk as the chants continued around me. Take that Mr. Kane. Hee hee. Ha ha. Nanana. 

"Ms. Fleming, are you going to hand in your test or not? You've been standing there staring into to space" Mr. Kane says snapping his fingers into my face. I blink rapidly. 

"What? Oh, um... Sorry. Here" I toss my test into the pile and hurry away from Mr. Kane's stern gaze. 

"Grrrr. I hate that class so much!!!" I huff once I'm out of THAT room. I stomp down the stairs. I need a shopping fix to calm my nerves. Quick. I gotta get to the nearest store I can find so my head ache will go away. I fling open the door to the mathematics building just as my cell phone starts to ring. Ugh! It's in the bottom of my purse. That's the only bad thing about huge purses. It's takes forever to find what I need. I plop down on the nearest bench and dig through my purse to find my phone. Jeeze, it's like my purse is like a black whole or something. Finally found you , annoying phone. It was just about to go to message before I answered it. 

"Hey Lils, listen lets go shopping. I so need to after that math test. I totally failed that thing. It was terrible. I had no idea what I was doing and hardly answered a thing. Ugh. So do you want to meet me at the dining hall and we'll head out?" I say into my phone as I check my nails. Hmmm, I think I maybe we should get a pedicure while we're out as well. 

"Cori, this isn't Lily". Oh shit! 

"I honestly can't believe you Cori. You failed another test" Eric tells me as I walk into his dorm room. As you can see, it was Eric on the phone. I guess my shopping plans will just have to wait since my ass will about to be toast. Why me? I probably should have looked to see who was calling before I answered. Ugh. 

"I know that Eric. Do you think I want to keep failing my tests? Math just isn't my thing" I say hoping that Eric will understand a little bit where I'm coming from. 

"No, it's just that you don't try. At all" Eric says with a sigh as he takes my hand in his and leads me toward the bed. I guess he doesn't understand. Of course he wouldn't. Him and math have a special connection. They click like instead BFFs and two peas and a pod. Me and math? We were born to hate each other. Even the thought of connecting makes me shudder. Eric sits down on the bed and pulls me over his lap. What? Already? 

"You had a week to study for your test" Eric says as he situates me so he has the best access to my butt. 

"But Eric-" I start to explain why I couldn't possibly study. I have some very good reasons mind you. Like there was marathon of one of my favorite reality tv shoes on one afternoon. And then Lily had a major hair crisis that I had to help her fix. See, very good reasons.  

"No excuses; especially when I reminded you about it like five times last week" he says while pulling my shorts down to my knees. 

"You know how forgetful I can be" I say hoping to sound as pitiful as I can. 

"Well hopefully this reminder will stick with you for awhile" Eric tells me before raising his hand and brings down hard on the center of my butt. 

SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK 

Oh my gosh, my poor booty is already on fire. 

SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK

"Owes Eric please owwie I'm sorry ah" I cry out as my boyfriend continues to spank away on warm cheeks. 

SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK

Seriously, is his hand made of wood or something? Ouch. Ouch. OUCH! 

"Ah Eric stop. I'm ssoorryy. Ow ow" I says starting to cry. 

"Sorry baby, I'm just getting started" Eric says and pulls my panties down. There is just nothing stopping this guy is there? 

SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK

SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK

Okay, how is it that a thin piece of material can be so much protection?I start to sob as Eric rains down blows on my now sore ass. 

"Smack are smack you smack going smack to smack start smack preparing smack for smack your smack class smack now smack? Smack smack smack smack" Eric asks me never messing up his stride. My poor butt hurts sooo bad. Ugh. 

"I will. I will. I will. I will" I sob out. Please have mercy on me Eric. My butt is begging you. 

SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK

After four final (excruciatingly hard, might I add) spanks, Eric FINALLY stops spanking me. I'm a sobbing mess over his lap. 

"You better not fail another math test young lady" Eric tells me as he pulls my panties into place and helping me up. Well no duh, Mr. Spanko. I was totally planning on failing my next test again so I can get another spanking. Yay. (Note the sarcasm). 

"I (sniff) won't (sniff). Now hold me" I sob out lifting my arms out toward Eric. 

"Come here baby girl. I've got you" He says bringing me into his arms. I cry my heart out because duh, my butt hurts. 

"Shhhhh little angel it's okay shhh" Eric whispers in my ear as he rocks me gently. Once I'm no longer crying, I wipe my face and lean back. 

"Eric, I know now that you were right and I should have prepared for my test better" I say. As always, Eric ends up being right. What else is new? Eric smiles at me and kisses my forehead and nose. 

"Well, I'm glad that you learned your lesson. I love you baby" he tells me with a smile and gives one last kiss on my cheek. I grin happily as I hug Eric again. Okay, so I learned three important things out of this. One, Mr. Kane is still a meanie head, two I suck and always will suck at math, and three...I need to start using smaller purses.